Wednesday, 29 June 2016


So England (UK?) lost membership of the EU in the referendum of 23 June and then England (the football team) on 27 June lost to Iceland in the European Championship, failing to reach the quarter finals.

A busy week of Lost Bananas!

But the arrival of Tessa Megan, first greatgrandchild, on 25th June more than compensates.
I hope she will like bananas.

Thursday, 23 June 2016

Weigh ahead

Fortunately I do not have to weigh up the option of leave, or of remain, in the European Union as I go to vote today, 23 June, 2016.

I am glad I do not have to decide for myself. Faced with the arguments from both sides I can only see behind them the personal ambitions of the leaders.

Those politicians and experts have certainly made an unhealthy meal in presenting information about the options. You have to fish for the meat on the plate, covered by the gravy.

And so I have asked my grandchildren to choose the menu.

Those of voting age have chosen to remain with European chefs. All 6 of them, between 21 and 31 years old.

 My choice makes more sense to me than any of the arguments for and against.

And if I ever lose my bananas* again, I would like to seek their help in knowing where to look.

* see earlier blog

The End

Monday, 4 April 2016

Backgammon (1 kg = 2 lbs approx)

Earlier this year I was shocked to notice that I was about 2 kilos lighter on the bathroom scales.

I checked my weight in stones and pounds. On the dial it looked to be about 4 pounds worth I'd lost.
So ....
my loss was real!

I suppose I don't eat quite so much these days, I thought.
 ('Yes you do!' I was thinking)

A week or so later my wife said to me, "You've lost your buttocks, you know."


So, have a look at the oldies now and then. See if you notice.

 The end

Monday, 1 February 2016

Written and not published: a lost banana, indeed.

Javea International Tennis Club

Friday’s Piece for Costa Blanca News of Friday, 5th December, 2003 

from Vernon Hall Tel 96 6493351
Did not appear – e-mail not received

Javea International Tennis Club Notes by Cheyenne Anonymous 

Bruce McNeely had most points amongst the men while Netty and Jennifer were equal on points in last Friday’s monthly tournament. In order to have new names appearing in this report the committee have decreed that the above members should change their names by deed poll ready for next year. Any suggestions for their new names should be forwarded to the members concerned.

Our annual Dinner Dance for members and their guests was held last night. First in order of precedence among the guests was Prince Racket, aka Thunderdome, and next the beknighted Sir Vice, closely followed by Second Sir Vice. Then yet another knight, the lisping Sir T. Hall. And another elevated guest, M. Pius Chair, with one of his acolytes, Lyne Djurch, and her former friend, the lady tennis professional, Ida N’Bilivit (known in Spain as Donna Bilivit ). Next came the teenager, Viv T.N. Love, and her boy-friend Weir Lovall. 

Lastly there came three great characters:
Terry Bull-Slice, followed by Vic (short for Vicious) Volley, and his stepson, Wick ( short for Wicked ) Half-Volley.

Photos of all these famous players, mounted in old gold racquet frames, are available from the Club shop with the usual generous discounts available on showing your residencia, driving licence, birth certificate, and certified bill from a telephone or electric supplier.

Our esteemed coach, Slam Hiddunk, is on Christmas Shopping leave this week, but will be back next week suggesting Christmas gifts for tennis players. 

Further information about us from Carol David, JITC Secretary, 96 6471652. Slam says we need some fast women, but in any case, male or female, if you have experience and would like to join us, get in touch.  Our Jolly Invigorating Tennis Club plays at La Sella, Pedreguer, just coastward of the N332, just north of Montgo, at least on Tuesdays 10 –2, Wednesdays 2-till dark, and Fridays 10-2.

Tuesday, 1 September 2015

How to prolong your life

I read somewhere that there is a method of finding out how long you have left to live. I think it was the website of the British Heart Foundation.

(I was visiting the site as I did have to call out the local firemen once a couple of years ago. But refused the ambulance as it was time for the football results)

All you need to do is:
Raise one leg from the ground with the knee bent and (standing on the other leg) close your eyes. Hold the position for as long as you can and time how long it lasted.

Ideally you, the reader, should now stand up and try it fully understand what follows.

My first attempts were unrecordable. I didn't have time to check how long I lasted in that position.
Instantaneous collapse forced me to open my eyes. Estimated period 0.5 seconds. I was thinking that I didn't have a future.

Apparently with a time of 30 seconds you have a great future.

Anyway in a week I have built up to 3 seconds and so already have 600% more life left in me than last week.
I am going to cut out regular walks and practice the new routine for even better results.

And a longer life?

The end

Friday, 28 August 2015

Memory update


Today, 28th August, 2015
I find that the names of the flowers in the garden are an acid test - which can leave a nasty space in your head sometimes. I often cannot recall the name of a particular flower: its ordinary name, not the Latin one - which I would not have known.

However, I can recover the name eventually if I wait long enough and do not hassle myself about it. There is a really tall flower at the top of the garden, it grows higher than the 1.5 metre wall just behind it. Today is Friday 28th August and its name is .....(cannot recall)...........

I will write its name here in red.....HOLLYHOCK..and also the date when I recall it ..SAME DAY, 30 MINUTES LATER..........
(It's something like 'Longjohn' ...NO, NO, NO IT'S HOLLYHOCK

The end

Friday, 8 August 2014

The lost lines

English: Bude castle
English: Bude castle (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
English: Taken myself shows bude haven from th...
English: Taken myself shows bude haven from the top gates of the sea lock. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Yesterday I went to Bude. I had wanted to go for some time. It was a sunny, warm day and leaving the A30 there was a huge loaded truck in front of us on the narrow road northwards through Devon and onwards towards the Cornish coast. What a speed he went, the truck driver! The only time any of us in vehicles behind him were held back was on a very long hill. Eventually he chose a different route while I ploughed on to my destination with other holiday visitors to the seaside.

The town was quietly busy at 12 noon. I got into a beach car park and fortunately found a way out. A parking place in a street near a bank seemed a good idea. A short walk and a coffee, then it was time for an early lunch at the Falcon Hotel.

There was no sign of the missing lines.

Can anyone help me find them? The finishing lines of the limerick:

"There was a young lady from Bude,
Who went to the flicks in the nude ...."?